I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
