So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
