Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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