Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
