just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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