two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
