im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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