He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
