I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
