Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
