Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you inspire me to be a worse person
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
