i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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