too bad you live with your parents still
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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