3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
