Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
