a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
