I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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