Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
