I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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