I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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