he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
