Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
