Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
