I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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