1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
