i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
