btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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