Will you blow on my dice?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
