looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
