rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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