I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
