the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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