and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
