Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
