david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
