So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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