the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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