There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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