No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
