you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
