WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
