I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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