What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
