You made me cry and you don't even care
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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