i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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