HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
