The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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