he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
