if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
