When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
